Being green is seriously the thing to do these days. I think Mugatu said it best when he said, “that Green, he’s so hot right now.” Err, or something like that. Anyway, I’m not knocking it, I get it. I really do. It’s not just about the environment either. I think the positive impact it’s had on society is great. That herbivore in the hybrid pulls more tail than that asshole in a Hummer. That’s fucking excellent, and so good for society as a whole. Getting pussy makes people happy. Okay, so back to the point. I personally can’t afford a hybrid. They’re not very cost effective. I don’t think cost is the only thing holding people back from buying a hybrid though. No, there’s more to it, especially for Prius owners. So, here’s a rare glimpse of what happens inside a Prius dealership…
(PPO - Potential Prius Owner; SP - Salesperson)
SP: Hi! Lookin’ for a car today? *cheesy smile*
PPO: Yeah actually, I’d like to test drive this silver Prius.
SP: Excellent choice. Let’s go for a ride. A green and careful ride that is.
PPO: Err, okay.
SP: Let me pull it out. Meet me by the driveway.
….10 minutes later SP pulls up in the Prius.
PPO: Oh. There you are. I was beginning to think you forgot about me.
SP: No. I was just pulling out the car like I said.
PPO: Ohhh okay. (under breath: took you long enough)
SP: What was that?
PPO: Huh? Nothing. Let’s do this. *gets in driver’s seat*
SP: *gets in passenger seat* Okay. Make a right out the street here.
…PPO makes a right
SP: Wooaaah! Easy on the gas there buddy. *writes on a notepad*
PPO: Err….this is a smooth ride. I like this.
SP: As smooth as the oxygen future generations will be breathing once we get all these gas-guzzlers off the road and everyone into a Prius. (under breath: fucking hate gas guzzlers). Make a right onto the freeway up there. And slow down please. *writes more notes*
PPO: Umm. Okay. =|
…PPO merges onto the freeway
PPO: It accelerates better than I thought.
SP: It doesn’t mean you have to push the pedal to the medal! Wow buddy, what kind of car do you have now? A Ferrari!? Geeze! *writes notes furiously*
PPO: So, uhh, whatcha writing down there? You’re making me feel like this is a driving test…
SP: It is! And you’re failing! Please pull over.
PPO: But, we’re on the freeway.
SP: Yes. But, you sir, are out of hand.
PPO: I’m going 62 MPH though. That’s not even the speed limit.
SP: Just pull over.
…Five minutes after leaving the dealership, PPO pulls over and they switch seats……………………………………………………………………………..
….Twenty minutes after switching seats, they arrive back at the dealership and they both get out the Prius.
SP: Thank you for test-driving a Prius today, but you’re not ready to be a Prius owner.
PPO: Umm, excuse me?
SP: You heard me. We here at Prius expect a certain standard to be met from our drivers. Unfortunately, for you, your driving does not represent this brand well. So, I’m afraid I can’t sell you a Prius. You see, you just drive too fast and crazy. You made a right so fast, it should take you a full minute to make a right turn. And speed limits do not apply to us. You should have been going no more than 50 on the freeway, that’s the speed maximum!
PPO: Oh! So, that’s why it took you 10 minutes to pull the car out before we left?
SP: Exactly! I’m so glad you understand. By all means, this doesn’t mean that you can’t ever be a Prius owner. Just not now. Please sir, go out there in your Ferrari, or whatever you drive, and drive slow. Who cares if people honk or get mad? You need to learn to ignore it and change you driving habits for good. To be a Prius owner not only means you get to save the planet, but you also get to drive as SLOW AS FUCKIN’ POSSIBLE. Good day sir.
